i know you will call again

I don't want to lose you forever but if I told you that I think I would. it is clear now that the grip

on our relationship that I thought was soft, sturdy, and comfortable was, in reality, constricting. constricting to the point that you felt the constant pressure of emotion against the insides of your skull. constricting to the point that you couldn't talk to me and had to separate yourself through a text. constricting to the point you felt guilty that you were not squeezing back nearly as hard. and somehow I was blind to this.

I don't want to lose you forever but I cannot force you to love me, let alone want to be around me. how many times did you see my text or my call and feel obligation rather than joy? our time together made me believe that what we had was special but I never considered our time apart. did you dread our next connection? did you find relief when you finished your last cigarette of the night and finally had an excuse to go inside? did you actually love me? or were those three words only a courtesy you spoke to not hurt me.

I don't want to lose you forever but I want you to be happy. you are the single most incredible person I have met in my life and I don't know how to come to terms with that. I will forever compare everyone I love to you, you are the bar that any new friend must surpass, but I don't think anyone ever will. you deserve the world, you deserve freedom. of course everyone does but a soul like yours deserves it more than any other.

I don't want to lose you forever, I will never let you go.