Happiness begins with self-love and inner peace

True happiness starts with acceptance of oneself, once this is achieved the world can be experienced in its true form. When I do not love  myself I do not see the value in my existence and begin to doubt if I deserve joy. This doubt leads to a fear that positive emotion is not achievable, let alone repeatable. When I am stuck in a moment of ecstasy & truly believe I will never experience it again I will do anything in my power to prolong it, this leads to long benders and a drained bank account for when ecstasy becomes average, average becomes hell.

Most days I do not believe I deserve to be loved, I forget my value and succumb to lack of validation. On days I do not love myself I do not treat myself well, my body is filled with the easiest food available, liquor corrodes my gut, and resin coats my lungs. On days I do not love myself the constant inner dialogue becomes negative and almost malicious, I reinforce every bad decision I’ve ever made and discredit my successes for they must be flukes. My body is being destroyed, so I must assume the same is happening to my mind.

When every success is seen as a stroke of luck I can never trust that they will come again. Often it feels as though these successes were necessary by-products of the chaos of life, not meant for me but given nonetheless. happiness presents itself in much the same way, for the curse of failure is the belief that you deserve it.

When stuck in a moment of ecstasy, due to the fact it may never happen again, I prolong it indefinitely. A day of drinks becomes a week, becomes a month until I burn out and am forced to face reality. Late nights drinking create a foggy and irritated mind the day after, this mind seeks release after an awful day and finds it in drink. Happy nights become average and average days become hell.

It is NECESSARY to nurture your body and comfort your mind because that is the beginning of peace. You must always build a strong foundation. The world is destructive, it will tear you apart if you don't fight back, and so you must find love, within.